I still remember the day I was told I would need to come back to the hospital because I would be having a C-section the following day. That very next day after giving birth to my son via the C-section I had so much love in my heart, it felt full. Give it a few months later and I felt my heart break not because I didn't love Jimmy any less but it was when I found out he was blind and would never see anything ever. If you have read my blog “the beginning” you would know the rest of this story …. So, I need not say any more about this.
The reason behind this blog is because I’ve had people message me saying I should write a book but it’s not something I would consider. So, these are my reasons and a little bit about why and what has made me who I am today without telling my whole story.
From when I was very young I knew what kind of mother I wanted to be. Hugs were a must and always, no matter what I would let my child know that I was proud of them for who they are and what they had achieved.
As you would know life doesn’t come with a manual on how you’re supposed to live. Life comes with trials and errors and Just so you know I have made many errors actually complete and utter fuckups to tell you truth. But in every mistake I’ve made, I have tried to change my ways sometimes I fall off the wagon again but I always get back up and I always remind myself its ok no one is perfect. We are allowed to make mistakes its what makes us human.
People have hurt me, and I have forgiven them. No one needs to be reminded of the shitty things they have done as I’m sure they think about it sometimes have reminders themselves, also I don’t think telling those things would change anything except maybe hurt them. I believe people change and at the end of the day they have to live with the things they have done. Likewise, I think about the shitty things I've done and look back and remember how much of a fuckwit I have been at times but when you forgive yourself and forgive others, no one can take that away from you and make you feel bad for it anymore.
“No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent” Eleanor Roosevelt
Every path I’ve crossed with a person who has been a part of my life whether it was 2 months or 10 years has taught me a lot about myself. Take note; everyone you meet has something to teach you things about yourself you might not know yet.
I can honestly say that my life has been full of up and downs probably no more or less than anyone else, everyone I have met has struggled and everyone has different challenges they have to overcome. So, remember next time you see someone who you think has their shit together, it might have taken them a long time to get where they are today. I.e. ME!
Then one day it just hits you and you realise something big needs to change and it happened to be the day I realised I had some amazing friends who have always stuck by me and you just have to ask the question and you’ll know your next move. Mine was taking a trip up the beach with Jimmy in my little rav 4 then on another occasion piggybacking Jimmy with a friend as far as we could go down kondillilla falls then the rest is history. I am here today writing blogs not many because I post most of what I need to say on Instagram but I travel with Jimmy because friends said I could and not to be scared, I go out to parties with him, and my friends help me through the night making sure we are ok. I work 3 days a week at a job I love and I have carers that let me be able to do this. I have been given things to help me through my hard times and I can honestly say even though I am a single mum and I do a lot with jimmy alone I actually have so many wonderful friends and family, I wouldn’t be who I am today if they weren’t in my life.
At the end of the day I’m still learning and still making mistakes, and I’m happy because that’s how you grow. Standing still will never get you anywhere.
What can I say but life is awesome and I am lucky that everything I've been through and all the people I've met along the way have shaped me into the person I am today. Tomorrow everything could change again so I try not to live in my past but in the now and if I do start to feel regret and think about the things I've done or what’s happened to me, I tell myself
“you are alive, you are here”
“HOW GOOD IS LIVING”